Addiction vs stupidity

So, the longer I live with aches and pains as part of life, the more I think it's normal.  For years, as far back as Adam and Eve, people have lived with adversity. I often wonder if Adam and Eve had any aches and pains....other than working the fields and BIRTH!  I mean their bodies were not born but created by a heavenly parent.  I suspect their bodies were perfect in make unlike today where we have all sorts of maladies.  But I digress......

Aches and pains have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  There have been lots of ideas for "solutions" to these present day maladies but how does one depict the good solutions from the crazy?  Besides deciding one makes sense over another, there are feelings that can keep us motivated when it seems like a "solution" isn't working.  Sometimes even this is just a waste of time but we think we are moving forward in our quest for relief so everything seems to work out ok.

Now let's look at the other side.  The, what makes our pain worse, side.  Again we see lots of suggestions but which ones are real?  Sometimes it's easy to decide when something makes us feel worse because we are doubled over in pain and there is no doubt where it came from.  Other times we think back to try to remember which foods we ate recently, what activities could have contributed or which choices we have been told would cause such mind numbing suffering.  Sometimes we even know the culprit but continue to doubt because it's easier than admitting we can't eat chocolate anymore. These are the times we can ask the question, "Does this "need" for this item/activity come from an addiction or is it just my stupidity(pride)?"

Against oneself or comfortable in our own skin

    When learning about oneself, it can be hard not to take what other's have said and use that against ourself!

    I have been, again, traversing an educational "course" that depicts aspects about actions, facial features and thinking processes. The next stage is energy levels. This, I'm interested in because for years I have been told who I am and I find I either fight it or acclimate to what I'm told. (I fight it a lot!) 

    My mother liked to tell me I was stubborn and selfish. As an adult I have not met too many people as selfish as my mother....and yet she had a "seemingly" unselfish side too....as long as she made clear all that she had done and sacrificed (especially the sacrifices) to do whatever she had accomplished "for you." (I digress.)

    It's funny to me that I was doing fine until the part where this course claimed what came next would be fun. This I struggled with and it took a week for me to get through one 20 min. session. I had to go back multiple times as well.  (though luckily not a week each time) I am the dynamic type. The one everyone thinks is too pushy or assertive.  Amazingly, I seem to be the only one who gets things done in my immediate family. I wonder why.

    See, the "course" I'm following recognizes our traits and focuses them as strengths instead of detailing how the "downsides" need to be "fixed." It does acknowledge that some traits are difficult for some people but interestingly that tends to be due to how their own traits function. (Funny that!) 

    For instance, a person who tends to be calm, cool and relaxed can find someone like me maddeningly boorish! I had decided that calm, cool and relaxed people were boring, lazy and undependable. They seem to never get things done. At least, I used to feel that way.  : } 

    It seems to always come down to perspective. How we view someone determines whether we get along with that person or not. That would include our perceptions about ourselves.  If we think of ourselves as boorish or lazy then we tend to dislike ourselves because those negative words don't take into account the benefits those traits can be, nor does it recognize more positive ways to describe them.  If we see ourselves as assertive or relaxed then we may be more comfortable in our own skin, assuming you don't see either of these words as negative.  Definitions of words mean different things to different people.  

    If we change our views, maybe we can see the positives someone can be in particular situations. Even if we don't want to be around that person, maybe we can still choose to view them differently which will change our perspective of them.

Our future?

    Where are we headed? What is it that we see? Where are the dreams this country was built upon? When are we going to recognize our worth, our responsibilities, our rights, our freedoms?

    There is an empty hole being created where our once great ideals used to exist. We are no longer standing for something. We are being led to the slaughter and going willingly. We are being told to destroy our rights, our freedoms and our standards and replace them with ideals that are making us weaker and more vulnerable. And the scariest thing about it all is that we are enthusiastically following along.

As the stomach churns

    When Obama was first elected in 2008, I didn't have much opinion about him other than, "Cool, a sort of black person becoming President. What a great country this is that we can go from slavery to presidency in such a short amount of time." Then I listened to his inaugural speech.

    I was at the library and noticed a group of people standing in a back room watching something on the television and being very excited.  I was curious.

    As a homeschooling mom, I kept my kids busy learning but politics never interested me. I taught them that the Constitution was the foundation of our governmental workings. I taught them that I felt it was an inspired document that, when followed, would ensure we all had the opportunity to live prosperously and find happiness. That just reading it was not enough and learning the construction of it was important as well. But that is where I stopped. 

    I spoke of action as being important but I am so against the negativity that politics creates I never wanted to go any farther than learning about that particular document. Oh, we went to the Capitol and lobbied for bills and such. I wanted them to know the process but I never had strong enough opinions about most things to do more than that.

    As I listened to Obama's inaugural speech, I was vaguely aware of the shouts of support around me. I was shocked that he could make such claims as he was making. "You already won the presidency. You don't have to lie anymore." was what I was thinking. To actually pull off his promises would mean his family was in danger because the most powerful people in our country, and abroad, were not about to give up their power that easily. 

    There was no way for him to do what he was claiming. If it was that easy then other presidents would have done them already. No, there were tycoons keeping circumstances beneficial to themselves at the cost of our country's freedoms and prosperity. Obama would never be able to fulfill the claims he was making in his inaugural speech, no matter how pretty the words. My stomach began to churn. The elated nature of everyone else in the room was very contagious and I wanted to believe. They were such beautiful ideals! Still, that nagging feeling that we were in for some loss of our freedoms wouldn't go away.

    I believe in acting when our freedoms are in danger but what does one do when everyone around you is caught up in the hope of a better future?

"Publicly" Bites!

    Our political temperature is pretty hot right now. It's interesting, I found in the scriptures a very similar situation when Jesus was asked by his disciples why he talked in parables. His answer basically described what we are going through, what we go through every major election, that no matter what we say, someone will misconstrue it to fit their viewpoint. 

    That or they will use it as fodder to "prove" to everyone how "silly" we are for thinking that way. I have had, on my Facebook account, multiple instances where the same talk, lecture, speech, etc. was used to "prove" either side that somebody was "fit" or "unfit" for whatever position! By speaking in parables, Jesus kept the moral as something for only those ready to hear, thereby ensuring that those open to his teachings would be fed and those not ready would either be confused or leave. What a great example!  I wonder how well that would go over on Facebook.?!

    I saw a quote by "anonymous" that read, "How to start an argument online. 1. express your opinion 2. wait"  How true that is! Some people are just waiting to argue with whatever you say and unfortunately, too many of them are truly smart enough to sound reasonable. 

    What gives them away? Their disdain for all opinions outside of their own. You'll know them by their name calling, angry tones to their posts, and their attempt to explain how stupid you are for thinking the way you do. 

    They will use "proofs" that are ambiguous(while claiming your support is too ambiguous) and attempt to trap you in every word you say as being more "confirmation" that you are just idiotic. I don't like sparring with these people. 

    My ability to feel people's emotions just goes into chaos mode when dealing with people like this.  Even online when I try to tell myself that I can't possibly be feeling their disdain and I must need to reread their quote to understand them better, I usually get the message on their next post that is more insidious than the first. No, I was not making things up. This person is indeed angry that my opinion doesn't strengthen their position. Once again I will bow out, proving to their minds that I never really had a point.

What happened to all that energy?

    My mother often tells stories of when I was in her womb.  She likes to let me know that I never stopped moving.  My grandmother didn't believe her so one night they sat down to watch a movie on tv and Grammie had her hand on my mom's belly the entire movie.  I apparently didn't stop even once.  I still don't stop for long....unless I want to fall asleep. 

    If I stop moving, my eyes start to close and within minutes I am sleeping. Reading has always been a struggle because to read a good book one must sit still and pay attention to the words on the page. It can get very boring. I usually fall asleep. 

    Movies are a bit different as there is usually lots of things to look at while the story line is progressing. Unfortunately, most things I want to read don't come in movie format. I have read books. I've then watched the movies. I know there is much more content in a book than a movie but if the movie is done well, I seem to assimilate enough from the movie and most people don't realize I haven't read the book first. 

    I've gotten lots of comments from people that they thought I was well read. I could probably count the books I've read on both hands.  It's sad, really. Once people find out I don't read much, all of a sudden I seem to have lost their respect. As if reading is the only way one can become intelligent, wise or knowledgeable. 

    For the last few years, ok most of my life, I've spent so much of my energy in pursuit of finding acceptance from others. At this point in my life I have become tired of my insecurity. I want to find comfort in who I am, not need others to approve of me so I can feel confidence. 

    That energy I have spent on my need of acceptance has not gone away. It's just been locked up within me where it is destroying me from the inside out. 

    The harder I try to cater to others, the faster my locked self is filled with unusable energy. As I learn who I am, I am slowly releasing that pent up energy. Unfortunately, that does mean that sometimes I am not very nice to be around. :(  Sometimes I wish I could get away from myself. 

    But if I was to learn all at once, the energy released would either kill my body or destroy any chance of me being sane as it finds its way out. What would be left would be a shell of me and I truly would be useless.

Finding Peace in Your Own Auchwitz

    In WWII many people were bombarded with unending atrocities.  One of the many times in history that we think of as a horrendous event.  Sometimes we have that same problem today(a horrendous event happens to us as an individual) but it's not as obvious to others.  It can come from the choices of others in the form of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse.  It can also come from our own minds much the same way.

    Despite WWII's unnerving circumstances, some people learned to allow these horrific events to "pass through them," if you will.  Oh to learn how to do that with the lesser difficulties most of us have in our day....which can seem just as great to us personally.  Some of us have events in our lives that would curl the average person's hair.  Others have events that only seem to be big to us and everyone else tells us we need to "get over it."  

    Do we only laugh at another's difficult circumstances if we ourselves are "above such petty problems?"  Or do those who are above succumbing to those stresses find a loving and kind word, at just the right time to those of us struggling with self pity and hopelessness?  

    Someone willing to live such a higher calling is hard to find.  We would be wise to listen to their counsel.  You will know them because they won't use words that make you feel like you are petty and small because your circumstances overwhelm you.  They comfort and love without judgment. Being sad with you doesn't bring them down to your distress.  They are no respecter of persons(meaning they don't love one person more than another or feel more pity for one problem over another).  They respect everyone with similar kindness and their love for you is undeniable when you are in their presence....no matter what you've done.  They are closer to God than the rest of us.  I've met two of them in my lifetime.

Zax Effect

    So many debates in our political system. Too many stuck points when one side says, "you must compromise because I won't!" What kind of system would we have if we all forced our views? 

    We potentially have a system in place, albeit I feel it has been compromised way too much, that allows for us to put into place laws for or against certain ideals. It's really sad when we are so ignorant of our own rights that we feel we have to bash someone else's beliefs. 

    I understand that the Constitution had some questionable beginnings(being pushed at a time when the country was distracted with war, for example) but I do feel it was a divine document. I truly believe this. It was the most incredibly fair and just governmental document of its time in its protection of most individuals. Once the amendments(well most of them) were added it finally became fair for all people, not just most. Now, whether we as humans make this reality happen is another topic completely.

    For myself, I wanted a place I could voice what I felt freely. I find I am still worried about being judged about my feelings. Not sure why I should care but I do for some reason. At what age do I get to the "I don't care what people think because I've seen it all" stage? But then again, I'm not sure I want to live that long.

    Ok, so the web address is "intelligent reality bites" because just "reality bites" was not available.  If what I say is not intelligent then just chock it up to "I'm still learning."

Solvents

    I find it so interesting....and sometimes annoying that, as humans, we like to solve other peoples problems that we are completely incompetent in solving for ourselves! We can almost be assured a "solution" is forthcoming when we voice any problem out loud to a friend. I would like a friend that listens and asks questions to help lead me to my own solution. 

    This, while somehow guiding me to come up with the solution all by myself. So much more self confidence achieved for those of us lacking in that particular quality! I would really like to be a friend like that, even though I've recognized few to no examples of that kind of listening. I wonder if it is possible to learn to listen to others like that, especially for others that are also devoid of self confidence. It seems like it would be so gratifying to see someone gain their own self-confidence in an area that had perplexed them just minutes ago.

    The biggest obstacle in helping someone else, I would think, is pride. Pride gets in the way of everything and yet our society reveres pride, confusing it with confidence. Most people don't seem to know the difference between pride and confidence. I feel they are nothing alike. I mean, why do we reach for a word like pride, that can be defined as pleasure, joy, self-esteem, and dignity but can also be defined as arrogance, self-importance, or vanity. 

    The word confidence by itself, on the other hand, is defined as trust, self-assurance and belief in someone or something. There is no negative side to confidence because as soon as one feels over confident they are falling into the negative pride category.

    Pride and confidence seem very opposite to me. When we can get over our negative pride, we learn how to hear and see value in someone else's opinions while still not feeling forced to follow through, just because something was suggested. It can be a balancing act of the most difficult kind!

Finding safety!

Alright, I have wanted to start a blog for a very long time but being told I shouldn't enjoy writing, I have put it off for way too long.  This past year has uncovered some things I would "put in my blog".....if I had one.  I first decided to make a place to put my thoughts about how I think "life should be, but isn't."  Then I thought of writing all my rants that I am not allowed to say to "stupid people" because it would be rude.  Next, and most recently(because I really am trying to be more positive than my upbringing), I thought, "I know! I will make a blog about bits of reality that I sometimes feel I am the only one to know.  Obviously that isn't true but when no one seems to notice something obvious, repeatedly, it can seem that way.  Of course I will not mention the times I am making my own stupid mistakes..... repeatedly! That's not what this blog is about.
I fully plan on learning as I go!  I also plan on overcoming my fears of writing that didn't use to be there until I was told by someone I admired that I didn't know how to write, "correctly"  because they are much better with words.  I no longer want to care because I actually have something to say and if I don't say it right for someone else, then so be it!  I may just say it right for someone!

So, Reality Bites could be taken as, "life is hard" or reality being recognized one bite at a time.  I am aiming for the latter.  As I try not to write about my pet peeves, though those may come out on occasion, heck, maybe every time but... No, I am fully planning on focusing on truths that exist for everyone and not only my opinions.
Awww, who am I kidding?  It will probably be all my opinions....at least to people who don't realize I know everything. :P

Anyway, I have a goal, a direction and a desire and I am ready to see where it guides me.