We all deal with people; happy people, depressed people, excited people, got it all together people, I'm better than you people, I'm worth nothing people, the world is out to get me people, visionary people and so many, many more. We live with them, work with them and interact with them every day. Sometimes one of these people does something that is so wrong or offensive, against us personally, that we can never look at them the way we did earlier in our relationship.
If we deal with them everyday, like at work, the offenses can mount until we just have to get away from them. We may even quit our job just to get away. It's understandable, wanting to get away from them and not have them in our life. It may be absolutely necessary. When the person is a family member, it is a bit harder to just quit them from our life.
When we've had to deal with someone being a jerk for many years, it's hard to see them in any other light, especially if we choose to have nothing to do with them because of their misdeed(s). They will forever stay in our minds as that jerk...that did that thing.
Because they will never change, at least not to our way of thinking, no amount of change they actually make will be "wasted" on us. We will forever keep them as that jerk we knew. The Demon associated with this likes to expound on whatever detrimental action they did against us and after awhile that jerk is worse than the "ghost" of Hitler, at least to us.
That is a lie.
People change all the time. In fact, we must change. Change is in our DNA! We may never choose again have to deal with their jerkiness but with us never seeing them, any changes they do make will be outside our ability to witness. The changes won't exist to us.
What about other options. What if we somehow were around their same circles and once in awhile tried to view their current actions in a different light. I mean someone's actions being good or bad is also a matter of perspective.
If that doesn't change anything, then keeping our boundaries with them is a must! Well, it is always a must! It is totally appropriate for us to have that sense of preservation because they once (or more than once) crossed a line with us and forgiving them doesn't change that. Forgiving them means their previous actions no longer have power over us. What it does NOT mean is that their actions are accepted and embraced by us. It never means that.
Sometimes our boundaries will look like never being around them. Sometimes our boundaries will look like walking away each time they begin going down a particular road. And sometimes our boundaries will look like learning how to love the unlovable. The reality looks closer to combinations of parts of each or all of these. Whatever it is, it is ours to manage and navigate. We deserve to allow ourselves the time and grace to get there.
